Wanna' get your gym socks as white as white can be? Try pouring a cup or two of this On Hold Marketing all over your filthy laundry. Quicker than a wink, you'll see how our proprietary mixture of bromine chloride and angular sand obliterates common household stains. 

In case you're wondering, Scott wrote the copy and provided the voiceover, but he accepts no responsibilty for any chemical burns that may occur while listening.