The third and fourth corporate videos in Binkelman's cleverly titled series "Four Corporate Videos" are not only slowing the pace at which ocean water washes up on the shore, they're changing the saltwater at the molecular level. Startled researchers have revealed that the waves are now "5 to 9% dumber after being exposed to the videos."

Scott Greggory, who wrote the copy and provided the voiceover for the MadAveGroup-produced videos, did not respond to reporters' questions, claiming, "I do not now nor have I ever spoken English" in perfect English.