In the next few minutes, you could eat something sharp that pierces the roof of your mouth and pokes your brain in that unsettling way sharp food does.
You might accidentally read half a pamphlet about botulism before remembering that pamphlets make you nauseous.
Or a prominent local weatherman might cross your path just as you're learning to throw a carpenter's axe.
But while you're watching the videos below, we'll guarantee that none of that stuff will happen.
So, enjoy our Silver ADDY Award-winning humor in the top video and our Bronze ADDY-Award winning work in the bottom video, or take your chances. Good luck.